“How Can I Help?”

‘Poppy, patience is a virtue.' May 2008: I am waiting, doggedly impatient. It could be for anything. A train, a birthday, a phone call. This happens a lot, to my family's frustration. Little did I know that this time would be one of the last, for although I hate to use the cliché of a ‘journey' this is essentially what the next 12 months would be.

Peer mentoring is an odd thing, really. After eight or so weeks of group training mentors are matched to mentees, as those being mentored are known, by their similar hobbies and compatible personalities. Rather like a blind date, if this helps you to envisage the inevitable awkwardness when the two meet for the first time.

Schemes just like the one at my school have run in almost 200 others for several years. Basically it exists to reduce bullying and exclusions while boosting academic achievement. From mentees' point of view it's just a chance to discuss what's wrong without that reticence most pupils experience when talking one-on-one to a member of staff. It's hard to explain why it seems easier to talk to someone of one's own age; it seems to stem from the idea that mentors are more ‘like them'.

This issue of being able to build a rapport brings me onto addressing the main opposition to being mentored: the belief that being mentored is an ‘uptight' or ‘forced' experience. I can see why people think this. It is essentially two strangers sat in a room chatting about why one of them is having problems. Strangers. It is paramount that a mentoring relationship doesn't become a friendship, nor can mentees be an existing acquaintance. However an independent report into the success of the scheme reported that 9 in 10 mentees actually found the atmosphere ‘relaxed'. After all, a mentor is not there to ‘tell you off', quite the opposite, the aim is to encourage the mentee to help themselves rather than berate them for past problems.

Another misconception is that anyone who is mentored has a major, life-affecting problem causing them insufferable emotional pain. I'm not saying that these people are never mentored, though a counsellor is preferred for the most serious cases, but the vast majority of the time it's nothing awful, perhaps more along the lines of poor organisation; uncompleted homework; struggles making friends; or lack of self esteem. Contrary to some beliefs, a meeting is almost never like an excerpt from that notorious show, Jeremy Kyle.

The sessions work in blocks of six, once a week. We record comments, targets and dates on a progress sheet and at the end of this time a Review is scheduled. Usually with the Mentoring Co-ordinator , this discusses the success of the pairing itself and also of the targets completed and overall improvements. It is also decided whether the mentee needs continued meetings. Despite so many initial reservations, often it is the mentee who wants to continue ‘as it's so helpful' even when the problem doesn't exist anymore, or is greatly improved.

The benefits for the mentee are varied and clear to see. 9 in 10 mentees saw mentoring as a positive asset for a secondary school; every mentee I know certainly found the whole experience very helpful. From the school's perspective in deprived areas student crime was reduced and in every school pupil confidence and achievement was markedly improved.

And for the mentors? We enjoy it just as much, and although only two thirds of mentors initially thought that they had something to offer a mentee, by the end of the year 85% found that they did have something to share. A chance, therefore, to learn about yourself! Overall almost every mentor commented that they actually felt like a ‘better person' as a result of their training: more confident; approachable; responsible or even, you guessed it, more patient. It worked for me!

If your local schools don't offer this service, perhaps you could suggest it; from all angles it seems like a great asset for any school. Who knows, students like me might just learn something about themselves in the process!

Author: Poppy Morris