Back to Life

Getting back to normal life was something I had dreaded. It was strange; I almost pined for the novelty of my abnormal life and the attention that surrounded it. Going back to a same life, was harder than living a different one.

I do not intend to focus on the accident for the purpose of this article, nor the subsequent ‘lost time' that was misplaced in the darkness immediately after that surreal thud. One day I'll note all that down, but that's for another time. Something I've learnt is that one has to move on and that sometimes denial is healthier than people think. So I will begin with the bare bones of the incident.

In June 2004, my car, a sneeze and a tree collided and after a gruelling period of time, which could have been a couple of minutes or a couple of hours, I was cut out and taken to the local hospital. Soon after, the doctor announced I had a compound compressed fracture of my L1, a hairline fracture of the L2 and a twisted spine which had caused nerve damage. In short, I had broken my back.

At some point 80% of westerners will suffer from disabling back pain, but this was not a statistic I expected to affect me at the age of 20! The first thing that struck me as odd was that it really wasn't like I thought it would be. I expected the pain and the sickness, I expected the sparkling eyes of friends who didn't know what to say and the sceptical
comments: "You won't horse ride again," or "we don't even know how likely walking is". But, my own clarity of mind, the fact that breaking physically doesn't mean that I had fallen apart mentally, the human ability to remain, despite those other things, positive - I didn't expect that.

I was lucky as not long after the counselling finished and my physio, who spent too much time on his black hillbilly hair and cracked jokes that were almost funny, had deemed me ‘fit and able', I was sent home. Left to my own devices I was on my feet far quicker that I predicted and that was it. Ordeal over.

After I left hospital, the responsibility of my massage therapy was left in the hands of Melanie Smith. Mel was lovely, young, optimistic and not afraid to be honest - which I needed. She didn't apologise when she told me point bank: "No, you can't work behind a bar. That's too physical and you will break." A massage therapist is not like a physio therapist although there are points for comparison. She gave me exercises, but her methods were slightly more holistic, and seemed to be far more beneficial to my pain levels than climbing stairs and pulling stretches.

I was glad to be back into studying, but half an hour crushed in a chair was agony to start with. On Mel's recommendation, tutors allowed me to take regular breaks and off the back of her demands, my final exams were broken too; split up into shards of time so I wasn't competing with pain as well as the academic torture. After university I continued to study as opposed to going into work but I worried endlessly about how I would manage at a desk all day.

According to the latest figures, one in every six working days are lost due to ill-health, and more specifically, back pain. The Health and Safety Executive highlighted in their Better Back Campaign how important it is for professionals to work with staff to help victims return to work as part of a successful recovery programme.

It's the little things, after a truly dire prognosis, which affect you. Walking around town, shopping, exaggerates the ache and in frosty weather I worry about slipping or my horse falling. Suddenly your mortality becomes a conscious underpinning for your daily plans. You think that the worst is over, but in fact the subtle bits and pieces, the mild challenges
and irritations sting you most unexpectedly.

I was advised to check out some ergonomic back-friendly furniture for my office, which led me to Posture People. Now, I want to be candid and not to sound too much like an advertisement, but these guys really are specialists when it comes to making you comfortable at your desk (www.posurepeople.co.uk).

I met with Jo Blood, director of Posture People, who explained to me that there is special furniture to suit every disability. There are chairs and supports that are designed and tailored for people with missing limbs so dealing with my back would be a breeze. After a detailed consultation, Jo asked my budget. She went through each of the options for my price range and introduced me to furniture which had a cool smooth 1960's look. For some reason I'd imagined ergonomic furniture lacking aesthetic appeal, but that is not the case - these chairs looked cool and, well, normal.

She informed me that they could set me up in my new office and come in and demonstrate how to use everything for a reasonable price. Suddenly I was excited. More people than I thought suffer with broken backs. Jo told me that it is not unusual for them to install desks in for this type of injury. The modern, minimalist look is in high demand and my office with an electric height adjustable desk; my beautiful green rocking office chair which keeps the pelvis upright and supports my lumbar; combined with my transparent document holder; and dual foot-form, looks more like a modern location location location office installation than something from inside I'm dancing.

As an outsider looking in, no aspect of my life even hints that I suffered a major trauma like I have. I still ride my horse, drive to work every day and I work 9 to 5 sitting in an office. It may not seem like a huge achievement, but a decent, steady employment was something I feared I may have lost as a result of the accident. It is possible to do that, it is possible to come back from that kind of place. I know it sounds clichéd, but you just need to focus on the bigger picture and not get caught up with everything people tell you - accept advice and guidance but only you know what you're capable of.

It is a common mistake to expect the worst from a back injury and it is an equal mistake to accept the worst. I am eternally grateful, as they say, to those professionals around me who were able to transform anxiety and trepidation into excitement and forward planning - but my big tip, my final thought, for anybody who has suffered a similar nasty twist of fate is to accept your injury but don't become it. An injury may break the human body but it doesn't have to break the human soul!

Author: Jo-Rosie