Depression and Loneliness

In recent months, Loneliness and Depression have become more and more linked and were discussed widely in the media, most notably on Radio 4  (Spring 2010).  Loneliness has long been a social taboo, yet research shows that we, as a nation, feel more and more isolated.[i]

On a physical level, loneliness has been linked to high blood pressure[ii] and depression in the elderly[iii], who are often reluctant to talk about this and remain isolated, partly due to life circumstances due to reduced mobility and social contact. It appears that there is still a great deal of shame attached to admitting, "I am lonely." in spite of the evident negative emotional and physical effects on the human spirit triggered by sustained loneliness.

In the younger generations, loneliness is often treated by GPs as depression with medication, presumably due to a general reluctance to talk about loneliness, while it is much more socially acceptable to be "down" or depressed. While medication might (or might not) be effective in reducing the symptoms, the question remains whether this is the only answer.

One way forward seems to be to find a different attitude towards loneliness and the feelings of stress, anxiety, low self-esteem and boredom it so often triggers. Through working on ourselves, we can indeed learn to a) accept those feelings and know that they will pass in time, b) learn to - at least some of the time - turn loneliness into an experience of being alone with ourselves in a loving and meaningful way and c) apply solution-focused and CBT based strategies to increase self worth and social contact. This is indeed important and fruitful work; yet, through my many years of research I have found that these (quite apart from the magical cures suggested in self-help books) often only have limited effect.

Why would it be so? In my work as counsellor and therapist I have come to the conclusion that loneliness often goes far deeper than the experience of social isolation would suggest. Indeed, I feel that it often arises out of a lack of secure and loving attachments in childhood and is henceforward "hardwired" almost unconsciously in the brain. The individual, then, finds it difficult to open their heart to deep and meaningful relationships.

Needless to say, self-esteem improvement exercises will here be of limited effect. However, in working over many years with groups, I have seen how sharing normalises the experience of being lonely and thus drastically reduces the feelings of shame. Further, as the individual is being witnessed and experiences the love and empathy of the group they are helped to heal some of those old wounds. Thus, my clients have often found group work very beneficial in their struggle with loneliness and depression, as groups provide a (hopefully) safe - if at times challenging - micro-cosmos in which to practise forming secure attachments.

Author: Madeleine Böcker

For more information please visit www.psychotherapywithheartandsoul.org.uk

[i] Cf. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7754861.stm
[ii] Cf. http://article.wn.com/view/2010/03/20/Loneliness_raises_blood_pressure/
[iii] Cf. http://ukpmc.ac.uk/articles/PMC2879870