A Postive Way to Handle Bullying

When the retired boxer Joe Calzage set up his cyber bullying website 23,000 youngsters accessed it in the first 3 weeks, many of whom expressed ideas of self harm or suicide.

Bullying is a huge issue of CONTROL. The bully feels very much in control and parents and victims feel very much out of control. Parents and children should not feel powerless. Here are some of the things they can do:

A parent can

Go into school:
The school needs details of what is happening otherwise they can't act. If your child is frightened of being named, the school can handle the situation by saying the behaviour has been noted by other children and or staff.

• Ask to see the bullying policy and how far the school has applied it.
• Talk to other parents to see if the bully is affecting other children.
• Ask for a mentor.
• Ask for your child to be given a "safe place" where the bully is not allowed to go.

A child can:

Be in control of their body image. A trained counsellor can help them to visualise a more positive outcome, for example if they go into school feeling like a little bird with a broken wing the lions will read the signal and pick on them. If they think of themselves as a raven with huge black flapping wings, the lions will read that too and back off. Positive thought is enormously powerful and it is essential that children who are being bullied go into school not anticipating the bullying to happen. Lots admit that they actually expect it.

A Typical Case History.

Emma (not her real name) came to see me with her Mum who'd told me how shy she was and how she probably wouldn't want to see me on her own. She'd been bullied for 3 years and was having frequent nightmares. She came in through the door with her head down and her shoulders hunched. She told me her story and I asked her if she could think of any reasons why the bully would be jealous of her. "well you've got many more friends than her" offered her Mum. "Well maybe I'm a bit cleverer than her" piped up Emma. "You've got a very pretty face" I said "maybe you're prettier than her." She smiled shyly. Emma admitted the bully was in her thoughts most of the time so we did a visualisation exercise where the two of them became totally disconnected. As the session progressed Emma's body language became more and more confident. She came running out of school the next day - "It worked Mum, that girl ignored me all day !" she cried jubilantly. Three months later Sophie's mum wrote "our family spent 2-3 years with a sad child. To see her smile again and enjoy life makes me feel so happy."